Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
