I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
