If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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