I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
