my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
