I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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