dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
