He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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