Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
