how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
