We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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