no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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