I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
