apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
