I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
