He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
