i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
