She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
