I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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