I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
