matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
