I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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