eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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