she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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