I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
