My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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