Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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