You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
