If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
