i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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