I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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