Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
