I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
