tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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