hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
