I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
