I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
