can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
