I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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