That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
