you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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