he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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