I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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