Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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