The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Me too!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
