He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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