we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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