what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
