If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
