When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
