he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I AM VODKA MAN
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
