White coat. Heels.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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