its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
