Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
