I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
