Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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