Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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