last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
