My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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