just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
