I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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