The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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