he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
