I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Bring me that man meat
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
