I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
