u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
