there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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