South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
