a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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