So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Your dad touched me again.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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