oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
