high people should be assigned attendants
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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