1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
