How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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