So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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