I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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