Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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