best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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