I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
